A year ago I was walking around the
Houston homeschooling conference feeling overwhelmed
with grief and conviction from modest dress to
children. I walked around there alone and like a
zombie wondering why I HURT so much. I was
overwhelmed by the big families and felt like I was
missing out in some way.
Sharing with Sam was not easy. He
carried the blunt of that feeling like he "forced"
me into tying my tubes, because deep down I never
really wanted to do it. He was convinced that he was
done. He could "only handle" five financially. (In
all honesty financially five was too much, amazing
how God works!) I tied my tubes because we were one
and if he was done then I was done.
The next
day when Sam was able to attend the conference with
me he also felt like he was missing something. He
listened to Doug Philips in a few classes and felt
the hurt that I was feeling. For those of you who do
not know Doug Phillips, he is an advocate for
homeschooling and an active speaker for fathers and
their involvement. Also he speaks about the BLESSING
that children are. Then Sam asked me to see what it
would entail to have a surgery to undo what we had
done. Around the same time Bush was sending out tax
relief checks to all the families. I had found
Blessed Arrows, Dr. Perez and we received 2000.00
in the mail for the surgery. We were set or so we
thought. Little did we know that God had other
plans. He gave us the money not for the surgery but
to survive. Sam got laid off and was off for 3
months with NO unemployment or anything. I was
devastated. I felt like a child had died.
When I
first approached Sam about Blessed Arrows he said, "
NO. I did this. I will pay to undo this." As I
prayed and time passed He realized the finances may
never come; he prayed and God gave him peace about
asking for Blessed Arrows' assistance. In faith we
asked and in faith Blessed Arrows accepted. We are
now number 1 on the list. As each person has gotten
funded God has grown our family closer to Him. Many
changes have occurred in our home. Modest dress,
head-covering for me (a symbol of my submission to
God and my
husband
for my life), among many other things, but most of
all we have learned to depend on HIM. We know HE
loves us and forgives us for what we did and when it
is HIS time we will be funded. Whether I have
another baby is in HIS hands as well. I will be
Happy to be whole again and To know we fulfilled HIS
conviction. I pray now that when I am whole that
anxiousness does not take over. I want the blessing
to come if HE deems me worthy.
Thank you
Blessed Arrows family for your support, for the
friendships that we have developed, and for doing
what God has called you to do. These words seem so
small compared to the joy we have in our hearts and
the love we feel for this ministry!
Blessing to you and yours,
Sam and Angie Sellers
09/08/2004
